Fly Southwest: ABQ to Niagara Falls, New York

Woe unto you, my itinerant friend, planning your odyssey from the ABQ realms of Albuquerque to the tumultuous torrents of Niagara Falls. You are about to partake in a migration as monumental as the swallows of Capistrano, set to embark on an airline renowned for its irreverent humor and disarmingly perky flight attendants. Yes, you are, in fact, booking a ride with the ever-entertaining Southwest Airlines.

In your quest for the perfect Flight deals, isn’t it curious how you need to perform elaborate calculations usually reserved for astrophysicists? Gnashing your teeth while try to decode the deeply realized secrets of the 'cheapest' single One-way ticket in contravention to the most affordable round-trip. Surely, there must be simpler ways to navigate the celestial sphere.

Should you go for the dreadfully long Connecting flights, often tainted by the sour stench of sleepless passengers, or gamble your sanity on the bewitching allure of a Non-stop journey? The former hints at scenic viewpoints and sleepless transit hours, the latter, swift passage but potential over-exposure to airplane food, often a pale imitation of any terrestrial cuisine.

The scourge of overpriced Airfare waits in ambush, eager to drain your wallet with the deadly strike of a self-upgrading software. Unpredictable as the caprice of a cat, the price of your ticket might skyrocket suddenly due to the whimsical laws of demand and supply. Or perhaps, you might just stumble upon Cheap Flights at the very Last-minute. The thrill of an imprudent gamble is certainly a temptation for the fainthearted.

As you settle into your Economy class throne (business class is the brethren of kings and airway robber-barons), you must remember, grave consequences may follow if you fail to measure the precise girth and bulk of your baggage. With each Sabbath, Southwest Airlines' Baggage allowance policy reshapes itself like a mythical Casablanca character, a new face with each passing moon. Fear not, if you can squeeze five days’ worth of luggage into a suitcase that doubles as a lap blanket, you are covered.

And what's more, those delightful humans at Southwest will reward you for your propensity to globetrot. With their Frequent flyer program, the Mileage Program, you'll collect points swifter than a pickpocket in a bustling bazaar. Yes, fellow nomad, every mile traveled fortifies your aerial exploits, so much so, the Great Pyramids of Giza might look mere sandcastles from your earned heights.

Let us not forget, my dear jet-setter, the in-flight experience promises a level of entertainment reminiscent of a stoic bingo hall. Yet, it’s the In-flight services that set Southwest apart. From the jovial safety demonstrations to the joyous rendering of peanuts, it’s the first act in our aerial theatre.

As you traverse the skies, remember what the erudite philosophers say: "It's not the destination, but the journey that counts." So stretch out your limbs, lay back in your easily-adjustable chair, save your moaning for the Flight cancellation policy (a topic for another satirical day), and enjoy your vastly entertaining excursion on Southwest Airlines.