Fly Southwest: BHM to Niagara Falls, New York

Oh, the enlightened souls who are planning on jetting from 'undefined' in Birmingham, flying Southwest Airlines to the wondrous Niagara Falls. I'm sure you're overwhelmed with anticipation. After all, nothing fills the heart with joy like the prospect of swapping the glamour and sophistication of Birmingham for a waterfall that straddles the US-Canada border. Fun fact: Niagara Falls moonlights as the go-to backdrop for clever filmmakers in search of a generic tourist trap to satirize. But don't let me spoil the surprise.

Only a seasoned traveler such as yourself would act on the sage wisdom of booking cheap flights on Southwest. Truly, no other airline has mastered the art of cramped seats and limited legroom quite like Southwest. But rest assured, the painful knots in your back are a small price to pay for flight deals that are marginally cheaper than the competition. This is the point where one might be compelled to inquire - is this a one-way trip or a gruesome, masochistic round-trip journey?

Are they non-stop flights, or should one steel themselves for the sheer exhilaration of a layover in some nondescript American commuter town – a tantalizing exploration of an airport coffee shop or two? The prospect is almost too thrilling - and resembles an epic journey you never knew you wanted to endure.

Now, let’s talk about the concrete jungle that is Birmingham's undefined. What it lacks in location precision, it more than makes up for in curiosity. Booking flights from an undefined location presents its own unique challenges that every thrill-seeking voyager should experience at least once. Where will you board your flight? An undisclosed warehouse? Perhaps a forgotten airstrip collecting dust somewhere? Or better still, will you be airlifted directly from your living room? Rest assured, the mystery adds a dash of much-needed spice to an otherwise bland Southwest flight. It’s not so much international travel, so much as international intrigue.

At this point, you must be wondering - what about the baggage allowance? What generous limit has our benevolent Southwest overlords deigned to bestow upon us? The answer is simple - whatever it is, it's never enough. Pack lightly, my friends – which, given the lack of scintillating in-flight services, may be a mercy. Who needs the baggage of an in-flight magazine’s relentless optimism when the airline’s own flight cancellation policy seems to have been written during a power outage amidst a nationwide pen shortage?

Speaking of in-flight services, Southwest is like a high-end spa - if the spa was administered by an indifferent staff of rushed flight attendants and the only service was subpar pretzels. It's a civilized man's wilderness - an experience you never thought you’d knowingly sign-up for.

To those brave souls embarking on this journey: your anecdote-laden dinner party conversation will be all the richer. I commend your bravery and wish you the best of luck navigating the enigma that is Southwest's flight schedule.

One final piece of advice - remember to pack a jumper. Not because Southwest cabins rival the Arctic Tundra, mind you. But because once you finally reach the precipice of Niagara Falls, you might find that its majestic roar and quaking power bring a chill far colder than any drafty airplane cabin. And in that instant, you might just realize that despite the trials of the journey, the destination was worth it after all.