Fly Southwest: BZN to Belleville, Illinois

In the utopia of travel fantasies, we all dream of non-stop, cheap flights where the legroom rivals mansions of the Kardashians and the in-flight services include someone to fan us with palm fronds. My dear leisure seekers, let's take a satirically honest journey on what it truly means to fly on Southwest from the ranch lands of Bozeman to the charming Belleville.

The thrill of the hunt begins with finding a flight deal that isn't equivalent to your monthly rent. Perhaps you're considering a spontaneous one-way ticket to liberate you from the monotony of life. Or, if you're a bit more responsible, a round-trip ticket to ensure that you eventually end up back where you started. Either way, the hunt is the equivalent of finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. An experience that should be in Southwest's frequent flyer mileage program - extra miles for every 10 minutes spent searching.

Upon securing your budget-friendly airfare, it's imperative to turn your attention to the finer details. The battle between choosing direct flights or those with death-defyingly brief layovers is real. Those who are adrenaline junkies might indulge in a connecting flight with a layover shorter than the lifespan of a Snapchat story. Those of us blessed with more conventional thrill-seeking tendencies will want to stick to non-stop flights. The bonus with Southwest is, regardless of your flight selection, the entertainment doesn’t stop. You can always expect an unforgettable journey!

Preparing for your flight involves the fun conundrum of packing your belongings into what airlines have the audacity to call "carry-on baggage." It's their more eloquent way of saying "shrink your entire wardrobe and essential belongings into a bag the size of a lunch box". But fear not, the baggage allowance is more than capable of holding a single shoe, travel-sized toiletries, and a paperback travel guide for your destination.

So, you somehow managed to pack your life into the nano-sized carry-on and have seated yourself in the split-space economy class seat – congratulating yourself on your feat of squeezing into a space usually reserved for a Jack Russell terrier. This is where Southwest shines as your knight in shining aluminum. You get to enjoy the finest of in-flight services, including delectably average pretzels and a variety of drinks. Plus, who could ignore the undying charm of the Southwest flight attendants – their humor might just be the highlight of your journey.

Then comes the most entertaining part of your flight, the flight duration. The fun begins as soon as the aircraft lurches forward and for a terrifying moment, you believe you're going to drive to Belleville instead of fly. But then the magic of aerodynamics initiates, and you're in the air, contemplating if you'll be served lunch, or perhaps dinner based on the in-flight timezone that no mortal has ever understood.

So, for those planning a journey on Southwest, relax! Be prepared for a journey filled with scrumptious pretzels, friendly ribbing from the flight crew, and hopefully no more than one rendition of "I Believe I Can Fly" over the PA system. May your flights always be cheap, your layovers brief, and your flight cancellation policy flexible. Good luck, and happy flying!