Fly Southwest: CLE to Wichita, Kansas

Oh, you brave soul, planning to ride a chunk of metal hurled through the air by the forces of combustion, all to leave the paragon of civilization that is Cleveland for the stunning metropolis of Wichita. Bask in the glory of air travel courtesy of Southwest Airlines. Buckle up, Saints and Sinners, to read about the weirdest joyride since the invention of fire.

Now, I know on the surface "Flights" from Cleveland to Wichita might sound like the punchline of a joke your boss might tell, hoping for a chuckle as you, the captive audience, question your life choices. But Southwest has come up with a way to transform this trip from a dull transit to an adventure as exciting as, well, a waiting room could ever be. Exhibiting "flight duration" shorter than a Led Zeppelin drum solo, and with prices cheaper than the knockoff shoes you’ve been wearing. That's right. Surrender to the whims of gravity with Southwest!

Prelude to your airborne odyssey. You tumble into Southwest’s loving embrace via economy class. That's right. "Economy class," the peasant's paradise. Crammed up like a sardine, you'll get to know your neighbor on a deeply personal level. But hey, you wanted to fly on a budget. Enjoy the luxuries of a school bus in the skies.

Coffee? I'm sorry, did someone say, 'longevity'? Rest assured beloved, Southwest won't compromise your diet. They ensure your survival on this wild escapade with a gourmet offering of complimentary peanuts and crackers, an "in-flight service" parading as a Michelin starred degustation. Let them cater to the Gordon Ramsey within you.

Did I mention 'Connecting flights'? Oh yes, there’s nothing quite like spending three extra hours in a Texan airport that looks surprisingly like every airport you've ever been. Your brief layover transforms into a leisurely stroll around the bots of capitalism. If 'Cheers' were set in an airport bar, everyone would know your name by the end of the flight.

Don’t forget to empty your bank account onto the surprisingly capacious Lap of the Baggage department. Sure, the "Baggage allowance" is enough for your whole closet, but that extra pair of socks? Now that will cost you. Your luggage will probably travel more comfortably than you. But remember, you chose this. You reveled in the sweet agony of cheapness.

Moving to the paradox of 'Red-eye flights', you'll be subjected to sleep deprivation with the promise of saving precious daylight. Wide awake at 3 AM, realize the marvel of human invention as you fly in the cozy radiance of the overhead bulb. Surely, Edison would be proud.

And finally, the "Flight cancellation policy", where Southwest generously allows you to cancel and keep the credit for another equally exhilarating journey, immediately nullifying your celebratory break-up-with-your-job-and-escape plan. Adidas might be "All in," but Southwest's motto should be "No easy way out."

So gear up, adventurers, for your epic journey from Cleveland to Wichita, aboard your chariot of the skies, Southwest. You'll find out whether optimism is indeed the best way to see life. If you survive it, your scars and tales of bravery will be the highlight of Thanksgiving for years. Brave the skies. See you on the other side.