Fly Southwest: CMH to Denver, Colorado

Ah, the humble traveler. They who traverse expanses of sky and land, hopscotching across time zones in their noble pursuit of exploration, experience, and, occasionally, excessive amounts of in-flight peanuts. Let's grab a proverbial cup of coffee and chat about our friend, the quintessential American airline for wanderers on a dime - Southwest. Prepare for a conversational travelogue so excitingly accurate you’ll question the necessity of your own experiences!

Why, the merrily bedecked planes of Southwest have long been the resounding siren call for the eager traveler. Domestic flights will rocket you across the states faster than a California gold prospector in the 1800s. Now, imagine you are preparing for your herculean journey from the ambiguous "undefined" in Columbus to the mountainous abode of Denver. What lies ahead is a thrilling cocktail of discounted airfare, potentially unnecessary layovers, and the intoxicating gamble of last-minute flights. Are you thrilled? Of course you are. This is Southwest we're talking about!

Southwest beckons with the lusty promise of cheap flights, offering the allure of a thrift store shopping spree under the guise of air travel. "Save your greenbacks for the Rocky Mountains!" it seems to cry, sounding suspiciously like a prospector in our analogy above. Is this not the American dream itself? A dream of saving money and spending it on more important matters, like a lifetime supply of flannel shirts or all the In-N-Out burgers. Or better yet, maybe investing in a top hat and becoming a prospector yourself. You never know when they might come into fashion again.

For our first must-see attraction on your voyage, allow us to introduce you to the charming spectacle known as 'layovers'. These fascinating intermissions where you find yourself stranded in an enigmatic airport, exploring a smorgasbord of overpriced concession stands and castaway luggage. A layover in a Midwest oasis may sound about as exciting as watching paint dry, but, trust us, there's a certain je ne sais quoi in watching the world's idiosyncratic collection of weather updates and Cinnabon scents.

Southwest, you'll find, operates much like a speed dating event, only instead of potential partners, they offer one-way and round-trip flights to exciting locales! There's a palpable thrill in the air as boarding numbers are called, pitch-perfectly reenacting the charm of a bingo night at your local community center. Regular travelers will testify to the all-consuming rush of a 'C30' boarding card, as if holding an exhilarating ticket in the great game of human Tetris that is the Southwest boarding system.

Now let's discuss that ever-magnetic draw – red-eye flights. Doesn't the term just drop onto your tongue with the glamorous appeal of an exclusive club, the kind where you earn your entry by proving you can stay up past midnight? You'll feel like a cryptid: living in darkness, coming to life under the artificial cabin lights, surviving on minuscule bags of pretzels and the compelling in-flight services screens. Let's face it, catching up on that airline-exclusive sitcom is a temptation too sweet to resist.

By the way, let’s not forget about the flight cancellation policy. Just like that mildly disappointing mystery novel you never got past chapter 3 of, Southwest retains the power to throw in a plot twist right when you least expect it. Ah, the drama! The suspense!

So, dear traveler, enjoy your voyage with Southwest, a journey that promises amusing idiosyncrasies, storied escapades, and enough anecdotes to share at your destination. Maybe make Columbus undefined, it's clearly more intriguing. Happy Southwesting!