Fly Southwest: CRP to Portland, Oregon

Ah, the splendors of Southwest Airlines, the veritable white knight of the skies. Known for their collection of flying metallic birds equipped with hundreds of seats that were seemingly designed for pygmies or perhaps kleptomaniac Flamingos who stole them from a Barbie Dreamhouse. It's extremely considerate of the airline to help us discover just how much discomfort we can endure on their flights.

While embarking on such a jovial journey from the undefined, ambiguously mapped lands of Corpus Christi to the paradise pitstop of Portland, one must approach the task with courage. Remember, airfare, despite its name, is not fair. It’s important to understand that ‘cheap flights’ is an oxymoron as outrageous as ‘jumbo shrimp’ or 'working vacation'.

Much like Joan of Arc marched to Orleans or Neil Armstrong took that small step for man, you too will walk down the airstrip towards your own tale of endurance. Be ye suitor of direct flights or a masochist who revels in multi-stop torturous trials, the Southwest caters to all. Indeed, they probably invented the concept of a layover to earn bonus points from Dante for creativity in torment.

And let us dive into an ode to their enticing ‘one-way’ deals—the equivalent of handing you a pitchfork to go farm in Hades. Yes, you can go, but can you ever come back? A question which retains the same level of mystery as the existence of aliens, or the survival of the human spirit on a Southwest round trip from Corpus Christi to Portland.

But hey, not only does Southwest impart humility, it also delivers a spectacular education. Their Economy Class seats are so intimately close to your fellow passengers, you'd probably know their life story, dietary preferences, and family drama before you even reach your cruising altitude. To Southwest Airlines’ credit, they provide us with interactive in-flight anthropology at no extra cost on our flights—just the price of your personal space.

The pièce de résistance of the ”Southwest” flying experience is the ‘frequent flyer’ mileage program. It would be remiss not to mention this delightful illusion of progress. Like Columbus attempting to sail west to reach the east, Southwest nudges you to fly more with them promising you'll eventually get somewhere, or at least, a free drink if nothing else.

The Southwest in-flight service is built around a lottery system. Will the in-flight Wi-Fi work this time? Will they surprise you with the deluxe peanuts instead of the regular ones? Shall the beverage cart make its journey before you've completed yours? It’s all part of the Southwest thrill.

And let’s tenderly address the baggage allowance, affectionately known as ‘bag-o-nanigans.' Can one truly quantify how inspiring it is to see just how ruthless a brisk, cross-aisle football tackle thrown by a gleaming overhead bin can be on an unsuspecting suitcase? A sly nod to the gladiator sports of ancient times, Southwest keeps the spirit alive, 30,000 feet up in the air.

Bid adieu to the simplicity of Corpus Christi and prepare to embrace the Portland hipster life; but remember that the journey is as enlightening as the destination. And with Southwest, enlightenment often swerves into a jovial mockery of our collective patience. Southwest is truly a mystery gift that keeps on giving, wrapped up in the promise of economy airfare, topped off with an ambiguous bow of service quality.

As they say –travel broadens the mind, but Southwest? Southwest stretches the limits of the human soul. Bon voyage!