Fly Southwest: DAL to Key West, Florida

Oh, noble traveler, eager to dash off to Key West from some undefined location in Dallas! Hear me, for I am the whisperer of secrets in the airline world; the keeper of knowledge about flights, airfare, baggage allowance, and everything else that makes travel an absolute joy (big whopping dose of sarcasm delivered).

So, you've put your lot in with Southwest, have you? Of course, you would! Why wouldn’t anyone prefer a direct flight over a layover, a non-stop over connecting flights? Oh wait, they don’t offer direct flights. You get to stop in the middle of nowhere and taste the exotic cuisine called 'airport food'. Fantastically delightful, right? (insert eyeroll here)

Well, if the pit stop doesn't raise your spirits let me remind you about Southwest’s baggage allowance. Yes, an enlightened company that actually lets you bring things besides your toothbrush and underwear on board without charging you an arm and a leg for it! But beware, pack that bag too tight and if it exceeds the allowable limit, your wallet will sing a sorrowful song in the key of 'why am I so heavy-handed with the packing?’ Is it any wonder so many of us are turning into expert packing artists? (Grateful nod to Marie Kondo here).

In the league of finishing last, Southwest has another fancy feather in its cap – their in-flight services. Oh, they are an absolute delight to the teetotalers, the diet-conscious and the ones allergic to peanuts, because guess what? Peanuts are all you get. You can munch on those dry, healthful nuggets while imagining biting into a hot, juicy steak (a clever exercise in misery). But hey, who flies for food anyways? (feigning ignorance, ever so elegantly).

Now let's talk airfare. Ah, the perks of scoring cheap flights just because you're a master in neurotically checking Southwest’s fare calendar for the best time to book. And then there's the issue of the mileage program, another source of pure joy. Why not feel like a hamster running in a wheel, trying to earn enough miles for a complimentary cup of in-flight $10 coffee. False hopes of fancy flight deals are what keeps us ticking in this lopsided wheel of a mileage program.

The best, though, is reserved for last. A true gem, glistening in the dark – Southwest’s flight cancellation policy. As unpredictable as weather. Will you get a refund if they cancel the flight? Will they help you book another flight? Or will you be left stranded in the glorious non-snowy bouts of Sunshine down in Dallas, fantasizing about the swaying palms in Key West? Oh, the suspense, the excitement, it’s all just too much to bear! (a perfect 'sarcastic eye-roll' moment)

Alright, now I've done my part, you do yours. Armed with the secrets of flights, airfare, baggage allowance, in-flight services and cancellation policy, you're ready for your duel with the dragon that is Southwest. And until we meet across another flight schedule, chockfull of broken dreams and stashed snacks, Brutus bids you adieu!