Fly Southwest: DEN to Memphis, Tennessee

Ah, the eminent joy of Southwestern air travel! Don your most comfort-sacrificing flying attire and get ready to plunge into the riveting experience of a lifetime that only Southwest can offer. Today, we're traversing the journey from the cow-studded, mountain-fringed cool-temperatures of Denver to the musical haven Memphis. Make sure to lap up this juicy advice we're about to offer as it's been seasoned with the flavor of our best insider tips.

First, allow us to divulge the great mysteries of ‘Flights’. Oh, the flights, the flights! Southwest, in their infinite mercy, generously bestows upon us two options – the 'Direct flights’, a blend of minimal travel time with maximal cramming into a tin can, or the ‘Connecting flights’, which do carry the perk of turning your one holiday into two by adding an unsolicited, and often undesired, destination into the mix.

The airline also offers various 'Flight deals' with their exceptional 'Mileage program.' The challenge is to accrue enough points for a journey to the space station while navigating their membership site. It's only slightly less complex than quantum physics, featuring riddles that necessitate thinking three moves ahead in a Southwest dimension.

But fear not adventurous voyagers, for there's an unexpected reward amidst the turmoil! A Big Bang might have resulted in the creation of the universe, but the elusive 'Best time to book' lies not in the completion of the orb's revolution, but in the finite numbers of your credit card statement. Simply remember, the more the zeros in your bank account, the timelier you theoretically are.

Southwest also tempts us with 'Economy class' and 'Business class' seating. That's their play of tuggery with our emotions, isn't it? Should we permit our knees some breathing room, or indulge in the joy of becoming a human pretzel, knees pressed to the chin for the sake of thriftiness? With 'Premium economy,' Southwest assures us it's possible to cut the Gordian knot – offering that middle-way: a smidgen less comfort for a dash less money.

And what's this saga without the drama of 'Baggage allowance'? Southwest, in their benevolence, allows us two checked bags. A friendly warning though, just don't expect them to arrive at your final destination. Yes, a bit like Russian Roulette, each flight is an exhilarating gamble! What joy, what thrill!

Then, we inevitably come to Southwest's flamboyant 'In-flight services.' As you traverse the sky, why not solve the Rubik's cube of acquiring a mere bag of peanuts? Can we triumph over the legendary challenge that is the airborne Wi-Fi? What an adrenaline rush it is to Skype in pixelated glory during a turbulent ascent over the majestic Rocky Mountains.

So there you have it, fair passengers, a candid, in-depth preview of Southwest and their shining path of service. Do remember to ponder well upon these pearls of wisdom, yet never forget to keep your humor intact. For in the golden words of the greats, we remind you - it's the journey, not the destination (especially when your journey is with Southwest).