Fly Southwest: KOA to Tulsa, Oklahoma

Guess who just won the lottery? Me? No, I wish! It's you, wandering adventurists, because I have the ultimate survival guide to ensure a smooth sail; or, in this case, a smooth flight, on Southwest airlines. Going from the paradise of Kailua-Kona to the booming metropolis of Tulsa is now as easy as chewing gum, only without the risk of it getting stuck in your hair (or beard!). I heard your sighs of relief, and yes, I'm just as relieved you don't have to face that hairy situation. So, buckle up, or should I say, fasten your seatbelts for this humorous ride down Southwest Airlines aisle.

Now, first things first, let's talk about the 'F' word in travel. No, not that one. I'm talking about flights. Specifically, a non-stop, first-class hallelujah ride from Kailua-Kona to Tulsa. To tickle your funny bone, let's navigate the feared labyrinth of booking flights. The best time to book is between the dig of a new dinosaur fossil and the sighting of a new UFO. That’s right, sweet navigator, the ideal interval is Tuesday or Wednesday, three to four months ahead of your departure time. Airlines play a game of hard to get during weekends, so don't even look at them on a Friday night at 9 PM; you're not going to get a cheap flight.

Now that your airfare booking is as secure as a squirrel's nut in winter, you might be curious about the in-flight services. Ah, Southwest! They are like that cool aunt you have who insists on stuffing you with snacks, regardless of your protests. To put it in a nutshell, expect complimentary beverages, delightful snacks, and yes, that means throwing your diet resolutions out of the tiny window for the duration of the flight (unless, of course, you have a willpower of steel and can resist cookie temptation). Wifi is provided for a meager cost and they never charge for bags. Can you say Cha-ching?

Moving onto our third act, let's discuss their baggage allowance policy. Southwest operates in the assumption that we are all chronic hoarders and generously allows 2 checked bags for free, the dimensions of which could comfortably provide shelter to a medium-sized alien... you know, the kind from Mars, if they were into earthly fashion and needed space for their spare antennae.

Okay, let’s change our flight direction a bit and let’s talk about their flight cancellation policy. So you're stuck in a jam, or an alien invasion is in progress and you can’t make it to your flight after all? No problem! Southwest offers a fairly relaxed cancellation policy wherein you can reschedule without any additional fees. However, you might have to pay the difference in flight costs. That's small change compared to the price of peace of mind, right?

You may think airline reviews are as comical as my aunt's fruitcake, but they do provide insight that even a crystal ball might miss. Historical trends show high satisfaction rates, prompt take-offs, and comfortable seating. Red-eye flights? They are as enjoyable as a late-night stand-up comedy show, and you get Twilight-worthy sunrises as a bonus. Last-minute flights? They are like Soviet-era breadlines: extremely unlikely, but if you're diligent, you might just strike gold.

To wrap up this roller-coaster of a guide, I’d like to throw in a nod to the frequent flyer benefits. If you're a bird person, prepare to be jealous because these folks get the best deal! Southwest's Rapid Rewards mileage program lets you achieve 'A-List' and 'A-List Preferred' status, effectively making you the celebrity of the sky—sans the paparazzi—win, win!

In every nook and cranny of the Southwest journey, laughs and smiles await along with unparalleled service. From Kailua-Kona to Tulsa, it truly makes you wish that their slogan, "You are now free to move about the country" applied to time so it could last longer! Safe travels!