Fly Southwest: LBB to Portland, Oregon

Oh, the blissful pleasure of flying Southwest! The jaunt from Lubbock to Portland is truly an experience that rivals a moon landing. I hear tell of tales about 'Direct flights' but really, who needs that kind of convenience? There's an old saying, "The journey is the destination," and Southwest surely takes that to heart. Be prepared for a cross-country tour of the most prestigious tarmacs our airports have to offer!

Let us enter the sun-soaked haven that is Lubbock's airport. Any seasoned jetsetter knows a good rule of thumb is that airports are inversely proportional in experience to the size of the city they serve. Lubbock, I can confidently say, does not shirk this responsibility. Perusing the selection of economy class seating choices, while being serenaded by the cries of infants and raucous gatherings of frequent flyers, is nothing short of breath-taking – and not just because of the over-caffeinated gentleman in 14D. Be sure to place your bets on whether it will be a full or partially squashed prepackaged snack delivered as in-flight services, the suspense is truly exhilarating.

As we soar into the skies, take note of the loyal band of comrades in arms who decided to partake in the ungodly early morning, otherwise known as the 'Red-eye flight.' Their dedication to the cause of low airfare costs should indeed render a salute. One may wonder what kind of person volunteers for such an adventure. Suffice to say, you'll find your fellow travelers from such noble breeding stock of bachelorette parties, sleep-walking entrepreneurs, and those die-hard 'mileage program' apostles. Toast to their ethical fortitude with the delightful offering of in-flight services and branded credit cards.

Halfway through our journey, you’ll be excited to know that we originally had a non-stop flight. But who needs speed when you could have a refreshing layover in – drum roll, please – sunny LA, or perhaps bustling Chicago, maybe even scenic Denver! Close your eyes and point at the map what an American lottery!

There's something truly majestic about the rhythm of Southwest's "baggage allowance" policy springs into action at layovers. Watching your checked-in luggage being flung around like an Olympic discus by ground staff truly stirs something within your soul. The mere anticipation of whether you'll find your suitcase on the carousel at Portland or perhaps Honolulu – who knows, it's a round-the-world trip for your Samsonite! Let’s pause for a moment and savor this symphony of chaos, which Southwest orchestrates with the flair of a seasoned maestro.

With the final stretch of our journey from Lubbock to Portland drawing near, let's take a moment to remember the thrill of what can only be described as a Southwest supersonic-dodgem ride, equal parts character-building exercise and the drill to prove Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest.

All sarcasm aside, take solace in the fact that eventually, you will disembark in beautiful Portland. You will have amassed an intriguing kaleidoscope of stories and a newfound empathy for flight attendants. In the noble words of Southwest: 'Transfarency'! At that's the bottom line – an airline that lets us look our existential dread in the face while rocketing 30,000 feet up in the air. It's not just a flight, it's an exercise in character.

Cheers to your next adventure on Southwest Airlines! May the airfare be cheap, your snacks be plentiful, and your layovers quite literally fly by.