Fly Southwest: MAF to Key West, Florida

Oh, brave adventurer, preparing to set forth on the great journey from the bustling city of Undefined, Midland to the exotic, sun-drenched shores of Key West. How splendid it must be, attempting to figure out the labyrinth that is the modern-day travel industry. And what of your chosen mode of transport? The venerable Southwest, the King Arthur of airlines, the David amongst Goliaths. Truly, a grand choice. Here, allow me, your humble guide, to illuminate the path for you with my vast thesaurus of knowledge.

Let's start by dispelling some myths about flights. We all want non-stop, direct flights, right? Naturally. Who wouldn't enjoy spending hours on end in a pressurized metal tube, devoid of scenery apart from your neighbor's drooling slumber? But did you know that sometimes, those delightful layovers, usually considered a necessary evil, can actually hold the secret to cheap flights? Believe me, it’s true! Sometimes patience really is a virtue, even in the hustle and bustle of air travel.

Before you wave away this nugget of wisdom and stubbornly decide on booking one-way tickets, do consider your wallet's feelings too. Sure, one-way might feel more spontaneous, more footloose and fancy-free. But round-trip tickets could often be your ticket to substantial airfare savings, surprising, isn't it? Who knew saving money could be this simple?

Baffled about when the best time to book might be? Remember that the travel gods are fickle beings. One day, Tuesday is the golden day to book flights; the next, it's Sunday. Perhaps next week it will be the third Thursday of the month, only when Mercury is in retrograde. Truly, the intricacies of this algorithm are as decipherable as the Voynich manuscript. Do bear in mind though, booking too early or too late is risky business. Goldilocks had it right all along – it needs to be just right.

As we continue to navigate the minefield that is air travel, here's another hot topic of discussion: Baggage allowance. Ah, the obsession with our worldly possessions. Your chosen carrier, Southwest, however, knows of our strange attachment to unnecessary amounts of clothing, and hence offers two free checked-in pieces. So, my friend, go ahead and pack that inflatable unicorn float you've been eyeing. Your wish is Southwest's command.

And of course, how can we forget in-flight services? If your culinary tastes include microscopic pretzels, soft drinks canned when VHS was still in-vogue, and coffee with an unusual hint of plastic - you're in/for a gourmet treat. Revel in comfort, as you stretch and enjoy 'ample' legroom, setting up a mini yoga session at 30,000 feet – Southwest truly is the proletariat’s private jet.

Behold - you are well-equipped with all the sarcastic wisdom you need to navigate your journey with Southwest, from Midland to Key West. Godspeed, traveler. May your flight have minimal turbulence, your coffee be only vaguely plasticky, and your baggage find its way back to you in one piece at Key West, unlike the container of Swiss cheese you erringly packed next to your 3-piece suit.