Fly Southwest: OGG to Baltimore, Maryland

Oh, what a joyous day it is! You, the seasoned adventurer, are preparing to embark on an unforgettable journey with the ever-prestigious Southwest airlines, from the 'undefined', ironically named place of Kahului, all the way to the land of crab cakes and Ravens, Baltimore. Quite the brand-matchup, isn't it? The island paradise, the carrier equivalent of your neighbourhood mule and the city that doesn’t, shockingly, tumble onto its side every time somebody opens a Edgar Allan Poe book within a mile radius.

How often does such an opportunity present itself? Perhaps, it's when you get the best time to book your flight or during Christmas when you're expecting presents that unfurl into banner-like last-minute flight deals. But now, through heavy-lidded eyes in the wee hours of the morning, you are taking the courageous plunge into this endeavor. A regular Marco Polo, Magellan, or Vasco da Gama you are, biting into the excitement of a red-eye flight. Savor the taste of inexplicably dry yet greasy airline food at 4 am—you are the very picture of a modern-day explorer, braving both time zones and questionable cuisine.

In your quest to ride this metal bird from Kahului to Baltimore, you come across various brethren undertaking similar quests; some for greener pastures, others probably heading away after a 'undefined' rendezvous. Be wary of lapping up the words 'direct flights' and 'non-stop'. They're the paramount of misleading labels. Thankfully, if you're expecting a bout of solace with nothing but candy-coated stewardess smiles and royalty-like legroom, I invite you to embrace disappointment.

You might be the included in the overarching umbrella of the ‘frequent flyer’ group who seeks the comfort of business class, or, you brave soul, you might stick to the economy class. You who’d rather romance the obscure nuances of 'undefined' and cram your knees against the tray table while enjoying in-flight services, that are on par with the razzle-dazzle of an Amish barn dance.

On reaching the layover point, you will be offered the much-advertised 'cheap flights' as an optional prize for your resilience. Airlines like to pepper this metaphorical steak with 'economy' and the ever-elusive 'baggage allowance' terms. It sounds too good, doesn’t it? All for the price of a new iPad!

Of course, to help you out of this tragedy, there's always the good old flight cancellation policy to wrap you up in a comforting but vaguely wet blanket. So reliable and straightforward. Rest at ease knowing it’s as easy to comprehend as trying to understand why Kanye West existing at the same time as quantum physics is a thing.

And don’t worry about the flight schedule. It’s as punctual as a tortoise on muscle relaxants. Somewhere in between the frenzy of interpreting the flight schedule and debating over forskolin tablets, you wonder if uprooting your life to become a hermit in the Himalayas wasn't such a terrible idea in hindsight.

The choices aplenty; one-way, round-trip, and my personal favourite, figuring it out on the way with connecting flights. Really, a stimulating game of 'Let's guess if you'll reach your destination without tearing your hair out’.

Oh, dear adventurer, embrace the beauty of this journey with Southwest airlines as you progress from Kahului to Baltimore. There's a whole, wide, sarcastically beautiful world out there, and Southwest confoundingly gets to show you one gloriously ridiculous side of it. Is it the best? Doubtful. Is it worth experiencing, however? Truly, sincerely...your call.