Fly Southwest: PWM to Spokane, Washington

Ah, the glorious adventure of travelling from the 'City of Roses' Portland, to the 'Lilac City' Spokane via Southwest, a voyage so full of excitement that it could only be compared to Columbus discovering the New World, or perhaps to Frodo Baggins journeying to Mordor. I jest, of course. However, there is a plethora of information that our brave voyagers need to know before embarking on this truly 'epic' journey.

If you are one of these courageous adventurers looking for 'flight deals', I’m sure you've heard the glamorous rumors about 'cheap flights'. The tales of people only handing over a handful of their hard-earned shiny pennies to journey across the wild blue yonder. My dear reader, while such tales do stir the imagination, they are about as believable as a unicorn frolicking in a meadow.

The philosophy of inexpensive airfare is an intriguing one. Many see it as a mythical creature, like the Hydra or the Phoenix, that rises from the ashes only twice a year during the revered 'best time to book' flights. Moreover, another common misconception surrounding cheap flights is that they fly exclusively under the cover of shadow, hence the legendary term, the 'red-eye flight'. However, the term 'red-eye' actually refers to the gruesome aftermath of a six-hour, cross-country adventure that leaves passengers resembling sleep-deprived zombies rather than elite stealth aviation.

While we're at it, let's talk about the 'Direct flights'. You'd think it implies a straight, linear path from point A to B, but the reality is as direct as a politician answering a straightforward question. 'Direct' flights most often involve a sneaky pit-stop, or 'layover', at a random airport in a city you've most likely never heard of. Here you will exist in a timeless void until dragged aboard another metal tube for the next leg of your journey. Indeed, it's a clever ruse by the air travel industry to give the illusion of simplicity, while providing fresh material for comedians.

Oh, the thrilling ride in the 'Economy class', where you will become intimately familiar with the kneecaps of the stranger in the seat in front of you! Please note that if you're above average height, there's a solid chance your legs will be molded into a new yoga position: the 'In-flight Pretzel'. And yes, you're in luck, this delightful origami-fold comes at no additional cost! Comedy aside, hydration is vital on these flights and free in-flight beverages will be provided. It's just that the cup will be so tiny, you might mistake it for a thimble.

My dear traveler, this witty banter surely doesn't mean to dissuade you from your upcoming journey. On the contrary, flying can be a marvelous experience. So, as you embark on your trip from Portland to Spokane, just remember to keep a sense of humor. Because at the end of the day, the journey, just like life, is about laughing at the turbulence, enjoying the in-flight pretzels, and looking forward to landing at your destination.

And remember, no matter how exasperating the conditions, your fellow passengers are all in the same flying boat. So whether you're chasing cheap flights, wary of being assigned a dreaded red-eye, or just keen to get where you're going without a twisty layover, a good dose of perspective goes a long way. Happy travels!